Thanksgiving Fails
Finding the lighter—thankful—side of the big malfunctions of the day.
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Hello all and sundry,
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We’re just rippin’ and runnin’ around here trying to get prepped for that great day of Thanksgiving! Unlike the post on the 8th, this isn’t exactly about giving thanks, though you’ll see reasons for it, but this is one that encompasses all of the, oh, stressers of the day. Don’t we all seem to have a Thanksgiving, or two, that have written themselves right out of the pages of HELL?!
It seems that no matter how prepared we are for the cooking, the gathering, the gorging, and the football, sometimes the day can either start off in chaos or go along pretty well and then suddenly turn to shit! I know you’ve had them! The “holidays” are sometimes the furthest from celebratory or it certainly gives us moments that make it feel that way!
Well, this post isn’t a place to hit the ‘bitch’ button, but to try to find the humor in those grizzly situations or look for the places that, if it weren’t for Grace, we’d have lost all sanity. This will be a countdown of top 5 of worst moments of Turkey Day I’ve experienced.
Are you ready?!
Now, once I’ve given my list, I do hope you’ll share some of yours, to have a laugh or have a VENT! Looking forward to some of your DOOZIES!
Here GOES!
Number 5—
My first attempt to make homemade collard greens and ham hocks, I foolishly saved for Thanksgiving, when a good number of folks would be gathering at our place. Already indicative of a poor decision! The handed down recipe from my Mother-in-Love was a rather simple recipe, though a time consuming challenge: soak the greens, devein them, fill the crockpot (I had two crockpots full; I’d bought A LOT!), add the smoked ham hocks and chicken broth, season, and cook overnight.
It couldn’t go wrong.
All was coming together and my bounce around the kitchen while I prepared homemade pies was at least two hops, if not more. The music was going, I was humming, and really feeling the excited rush of having a house full of hungry tummies seated around multiple tables. All the pies were out of oven and cooling on their racks, other things were prepped for cooking to continue in the morning, and I gave a good stir around of the greens in the crocks and sent myself to bed.
Early morning came and I jumped up and got after it! Doing the majority of the cooking myself, had me buzzing. About half way through the cooking process, I gave those greens a taste. Then, another.
“What is happening with the lack of flavor?” my brows had scrunched in wonder. “Hmmmm? Must be those extra greens,” I rationalized.
So, I brought things up a notch by adding more salt and more red chili pepper flakes. Well, just saying those two things should give you enough of an idea of how SOUTH things went!
The time came to start serving things up and with heaping forkful, I took a full taste of the greens, some juice, and a chunk of ham hock as I transferred them to a serving dish. My tongue and eyes soon agreed as I belted, “HOLY LORD OUR FATHER ALMIGHTY!” The FIRE on my tongue paired with the salt-lick level of briny liquid nearly required an ER visit! No amount of milk or bread or every other cool-the-heat home remedy was working! If only I would have spit it out instead of swallowing it, I might have been remotely able to enjoy the day’s feast; my meal, was only moderately savored as the next day’s leftovers. A palette on fire can not really utilize the taste buds as intended. I know. Oh, do I know!
What I learned? When it comes to red chili pepper flakes, a little goes at least a 1,000 miles! And salt, well, no human needs a salt lick; save those for the cows!
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