Solstice Poems—7: 'Coming to Find…Myself'

Published by IGNU ©1996 in Solstice 6 (Revised-2008)

Jun 28, 2024

woman in black tank top and black pants standing on rocky mountain during daytime — Photo by Devon Hawkins on Unsplash

Text within this block will maintain its original spacing when published

Coming to find—
myself….......
Through spaces
In between words
And [punctuation].
I follow
A trail,
Faint on the page.
Let time, 
And places,
And people
Be beacons
Of experience.
And—
I find my way.
*End is never clear.
I suspect,
Though,
That one 
Never
Completely 
Finds themselves…?
Until, 
death—brings
A beginning 
To something else.
Looking back,
We can see the trail,
Much clearer,
New perspectives—
On the way
We- I-
Do- have-
Followed the path,
Made the path…
Coming to find….......Myself.

W-(Hertz) Gray, 1996

Thank you for reading To Be Livin' Poetry and Prose. This poem is for public view, so feel free to share it!

This poem got me curious to see the visual echo of myself on this ‘trail’. So, I went on a quest to find pictures of me. The digging for the older ones was taxing; didn’t I ever take or keep photos of myself?! Well, apparently not so much! The ages before advancements in technology (our cameras in our phones and the ability to take a ‘selfie’ being oh, so easy) can seem so UNREAL. Some of you will be too young to ‘feel’ this yet, but those of us being of a certain age, we get it. It is a bit disturbing, if you ask me! Anyway, the dig was made and I unearthed a few…the blurry, poorly lit, no option for retakes—few. They added a unique reflection for me: of myself—during all the life stages of my writing—which was internally revealing. It shone a light on the fact that the passage of time was not something I had given any weighty thought to, though I hadn’t been oblivious to it. Now, however, it feels like it’s the very thing I must more deeply consider. The gathering of these photos really confirms it.
Truly, revisiting everything that documents our lives is a voyage all its own. I am finding out!
There is a certain interesting Ahaaaaaaa to life’s moments; one that can really STUN. It comes when reviewing your writing and yourself over time, and the mirror you saw yourself in takes on an unrevealed transparency. For me, this is happening in real-time as I create this newsletter. (Digging up the past to find old works and photos, a prime example.) For now, I’ll just describe the Ahaaaaaaa as: surreal. It has a mysterious aura, quite undefined, yet one which has my curiosity piqued! I have always been committed to self-examination and reflection and this feels like an invite to a soirée for even deeper discovery. The external and internal persona is frequently wrapping and unwrapping itself to disclose who we have been and who we are. There is little that makes its reveal as surprising, and extraordinary, as the act of unfurling it all. It is exciting, yet intimidating all at once.
The intention of ‘coming to find myself’ is always being played out! Ah-ha!