Prose: The Holiday Full Press
Buck off that clinging Chaos!
Hello all and sundry!
We are entering the Holiday Full Press!
Are the holidays rushing in on you? Has the weather and your aura taken on a wintery chill? Are you overwhelmed with getting things together and that last, last minute frantic shopping looks to be in your future?
HEY! You are NOT alone! Chaos often rides double with celebratory seasons and boy, don’t we wish we could dump it! I mean kick the horse in the flank, hang on tight and watch Chaos take a FAR FLYIN’ sail through the air! Such a self-satisfying thing that would be! If only….it were reality.
What would you say if I told you that you CAN give Chaos the ol’ heave-ho?! I know, someone once told me I could, and I responded with a exasperated, “Ya, RIGHT!” It took me a LOT of stressed out, agonizing years to realize that they, were in fact, very right. Holy Cannoli, the fully exhaling relief that came, when FINALLY, I figured out how to dump Chaos in the cactus!
How on earth is it even possible, you ask? Well, there are some things I discovered and I did. I started with small changes and worked my way up. Eventually, I made adjustments for every EVENT going forward. I’m not a master at it, by any means, but I have definitely found I could lower my blood pressure and insert more JOY in the occasion by doing little things. There was one BIG thing that I started with though. That was—release MYSELF from the crowd encouraged expectation of the perfect presentation, the perfect event, and the perfect life. FREEDOM!!!
What the crazy, around holiday prepping, gift getting, dynamo decorating, and activity arranging, IS, actually stems from our own challenges with perfection and people pleasing. Two things that, in the grand picture of living, are joy stealing, misery making, and depression inducing habits. I know, I’ve lived that. Yep, I see them as ‘habits’ and I learned these from the women, and some men, around me. How intensely I spent years observing and absorbing what it all looked like—PERFECTION and EVERYONE PLEASED at the cost of fully enjoying much of it at all. These women were obsessed with being judged and failing, and they were slowly allowing the full feeling of being present in the experience to be sucked right on out of them. Fear of judgement and failing was bleeding them dry. But, it was packaged as okay, perfectly normal, because it was the required sacrifice.
Except, it never should have been.
There is nothing sacrificial or okay about coming away from all that was done to make everyone happy, and the event perfect, with a sense of dire dread for having to do it all over again next year, or for the next occasion. Particularly, all while wondering why you feel like hiding in your dark closet and crying buckets because you feel that, for ALL of the things you did, YOU missed IT! You missed the gathering and the gala, because you were too saddled by the tasks to participate in them. No, there must be a balance of the tasks and the involvement in and partaking of the spoils. Women have long been the sole planners, makers, creators, and clean up crew for everyone else’s GOOD TIME. Now, I know, there are some women who deem all of that their good time, and that is great, for them. Still, there are those women who would truly like to be a part of the party, even a little bit.
Now, some of you may not have the slightest idea what I am even talking about; my full awe and wonder at knowing what that is like. I am SO grateful that you have no idea! Keep doing what you are doing so that you don’t have to find out.
What I am talking about is the advantage taken of woman, usually the keeper of the house, to be the one to do it all. What I grew up seeing, and accepting, was the full on this-is-the-woman’s-place role that my grandmother, and others, were cemented into, due to the societal expectation that devotion to family and the ‘head’ of the house was absolutely reflected in their performance in this area. Those other women, daughters and granddaughters, in the family were also expected to follow suit, to be trained up to do the same. After all, how would they be the perfect mate otherwise?
As a result, we (those little observers of the grown women) have pressed ourselves into the inherited mold to continue carrying the expectations, the perfectionism, the people-pleasing, the avoidance of judgement and failure all in order to be worthy of being the next grown woman of the family. With all of that, we add our own levels of necessity in order to attain, maintain, and measure up to the image. And—we are expected to LOVE it. Expected to love the expectations, the perfection, the pleasing, the spotless success, NOT to LOVE the doing, the serving, the sacrifice because we LOVE who we are doing it for. The script is and has been flipped for many; our vision of who we are supposed to love during these life events, is replaced with feeling forced to love the outcomes of the process. And that is where Chaos reigns.
We shouldn’t be LOVING how it all turned out perfect. Who the heck cares if it’s perfect?! Who the heck cares if our decorating doesn’t make an issue of Better Homes and Gardens?! Who the heck cares if every last spotless detail is met?! Who the heck cares if the judging mind leaves judging?! Who the heck cares if something fails?! Who the heck is worthy ENOUGH to measure our worthiness?!
That is NOT what that event or this or that season is ABOUT!
What is IS about, or we should see it as, is that we love in the planning no matter what that plan is, that we love in the prepping no matter what is being prepped, that we love in the creating no matter what we’ve created, that we love in the decorating no matter what or how we decorate, that we love in the gift choosing no matter the gift, that we love in the giving no matter who we are giving it to, that we love in the activities no matter what they are or who they are with, because the MOST IMPORTANT part of these times is SOLEY about the LOVING.
So, if you don’t love the extensive decorating, don’t do it. Do the part you love. If you don’t love the card writing, the baking, the candy making, don’t do it. Do the part you love. And….so on. You get where I am going. Do what you feel to do and do it with love.
No worries about any ‘failing’, nothing is perfect.
No worries about getting it all perfect, NOTHING is perfect.
No worries about judgements…those who love you won’t be doing that anyway. They know they aren’t perfect and neither are you. AND IT’S ALL OKAY.
Love the place and space you are in, and ALL of its imperfections.
Love those you are surrounded by, with ALL of their imperfections.
Love YOU in all of your imperfection.
If whatever you do in this life is done from the heart, out of genuine love, you won’t have any fails. You will have the way things went, sure, but you will have the way it went giftwrapped in LOVING paper. How perfect is that?!
So, Chaos begone! Deep, unrushed breaths come on in! Do what you decide, with love. Welcome in the Season with love! What needs to fall into place will, and what doesn’t work won’t matter when you’re 90. What WILL matter and be best about these times is your memory of the love you fueled the tasks with and who you extended that love to. Keep your energy and your eye on that and the events will happen, and you will be peacefully pleased.
Enjoy these days with love and take that Holiday Full Press and full press it with love! Chaos goodbye!
Happy Holidays! Merry Christmas! Happy Hanukkah! Happy Kwanzaa! Happy Winter!
Walk into it with love, enjoy…take deep breaths.
Many blessings and MUCH LOVE,
~Wendy💜
What a wonderful reminder that we don’t have to be all things and do it in perfection! Took me 45 years to realize that; and I’ll admit, I have to remind myself that if someone pops into my home and sees dishes still in the sink from a delicious meal the evening before…the world WILL NOT end! Lol
Lovely energy reading this piece Wendy, thank you. My winter holiday seasons tend to be quite simple. I love this time of year, it’s such a sacred time, especially from the solstice through to the new year… I loved your reminder here of what really matters.. LOVE 🙏